


Never Thought This Would Happen

by tawnyHero



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 50 shades of grey excerpt, Cute Kids, DIRKJAKE IS LIFE, DIRKJAKE IS LOVE, Ginger Karkat Vantas, Humanstuck, I luv my smol babs♡, Idiots in Love, JohnDaveKat - Freeform, M/M, Multi, OT3, Party Games, Past Relationship(s), Secret Window, Secret Window is a good movie go watch it, Seven Minutes In Heaven, Short Chapters, Short chapters give it a charm though..., Smol Babs, Spin-off of Seven minutes in Heaven, The Good The Grey and The Sick Beats, Thirty minutes in Heaven, Windy Shades of Grey, gingerkat, idiots being idiots, may be a series?, movies - Freeform, my smol children, past KarRezi (mentioned), pre-DirkJake, stupid games
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-06 04:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4208466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tawnyHero/pseuds/tawnyHero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started with a party. Parties are fun, right?<br/>Well not for Karkat. But when a party game starts and he's somehow dragged into it, things get a little crazy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bottle Caps

**Author's Note:**

> This is very much a work in progress, so bear with me and all that! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ
> 
> Edit: Oh! Looks like I've created a freeform tag with JohnDaveKat. Feel free to use it!

They said it would be fun. They said it was going to be fun! But look at him right now.

He was certainly NOT having fun.

Karkat Vantas was not enjoying this at all. And as soon as he walked through the door, he immediately wanted to go back home. There were too many damn people here. Way too many for his liking. Everyone in Skaia High must be here! Including the stupid freshmen.

The party was at one of the popular kids' houses and somehow, Gamzee had convinced him to go. With a little help from Sollux. If Sollux was going it wouldn't be that bad, right?

FUCKING WRONG!

The place was too overly crowded, smelling of whipped cream, spray cheese, and warm bodies. And it overwhelmed him.

Thus his swift escape to the kitchen. Luckily, it was completely deserted. Which meant he had the fridge all to himself. He instantly went to it and opened it.

Well fuck, it's full of Tab. Looks like someone else beat him here. Of course. Oh well. At least this was better than that shit Gamzee drinks. Karkat took one out and opened it, taking a sip.

Now. Karkat was of average height for an nineteen year old. With messy red hair, unnatural rust colored eyes hidden behind grey contacts, and his usual sweater and pants. He was a senior and damn proud of it too. It was almost the end of the school year and everyone is studying hard for their finals. That is, they were until they heard of this particular party. The teen sighs and leans on a counter. He's been working his ass off for these finals and the break...well he guessed it was alright. Anyways, he didn't care really like the thought of stopping in the middle of a chapter of a textbook.

Yeah. He may care about his grades...a lot. It wasn't his fault he wanted in on a great college and go to a culinary-esque job. He had quite a talent for cooking. He found this out when he was about eight or nine. His dad let him make his own mac and cheese, with supervision of course, and fuck, when he had seen Karkat add some stuff that wasn't normally in such a simple lunch, he knew his son was a culinary genius.

But that was what, ten years ago? Yeah, just about. By now. Karkat was making things that would even make the most talented chefs cry from shame. So his best bet was to take up as many courses as the school could provide for him. Even the ones with college credits.

Yeah, he may be an overachiever at times but next to Kankri, he was nothing. Like a tiny little speck of dust amungst a universe.Okay. That's a little much but you get the fucking picture. That's what matters. Anyways, back to the party.

Party...People...shitty tasting Tab...right. Ugh. He almost forgot about it while trying to catch you up with his life story. How could he forget such a thing as a party? 

Sarcasm friend. Sarcasm. 

Okay, shitty party, shitty mannered people, shitty soda. Everything's here. 

"Yo, I didn't expect you of all people to show up here." 

Fuck... _fuck..._ STRIDER. Of all the idiots here in this shit hole, it had to be fucking DAVE. DAVE STRIDER. DAVE  _FUCKING_ STRIDER.

God.....DAMMIT. 

"What the fuck do you want, asshole? I want no part of what you have cooked up in that stupid head of yours. Whatever is about to spew out of your mouth like a bovine with diarrhea, I want to hear zilch about. I don't care nor do I want any fucking PART of it." Karkat growled. 

"Aw come on man, you can't just say all that without hearing what I have to say. And man...that's offensive to ol' Bessie back at old McDonald's place."

"I can say what I want. In fact, I can't even hear you. I choose to ignore you and enjoy my shitty soda." 

"What if I told you Terezi was involved along with a closet and thirty minutes?" 

That made him pause. "What the fuck are you getting at Strider?" He grumbled. Dave smirked and Karkat glared at him over his soda as he took a sip. 

"We're doing that stupid heaven game for shits and giggles. We don't have enough people yet and, well, here we are."

"Why would I want to play a party game if I'm oh so content with stressing in the deserted kitchen." Karkat said. 

"Why wouldn't you want to is the question."

"I'm not going and you aren't going to ruin what little joy I have at the moment." Karkat muttered into his soda. He took another swig and just as he lowered the can, he saw Dave smirk. Oh shit, that's never good. 

"Too bad, Karkat, you're coming with me whether you like it or not!" and with that, the small redhead was being dragged away from his semi-quiet oasis. 

Awesome. Just what he needed. To play a game and quote, unquote, like it. Especialy this one. What was it called again? Oh right, seven minutes in heaven. Only it's a little longer. 

...perverts. 

Anyways, back to being dragged by the insufferable prick. 

" _WHY?_ " the ginger growls. 

"Because." the blond simply replies. Dave was a good few inches taller than Karkat and always wore those infuriating avatiors on his face. They were like his stupid...whatever they call that thing.

Signature item, that's it. Anyways, they were stupid. But then again, Karkat always has his contacts...but no one knows about that. It's a secret! 

Soon enough, Dave successfully pulled him into a room with what looks to be circle time in it. What is this, kindergarten? He scowled a bit at the ridiculous sight. 

"Can I go now?" 

"No, we were short a person and needed someone. You seem short enough for this ride so I came to you first."

Rude...

He grumbles something about not being short and huffs. Once he's settled down and gotten comfortable, the rules were told. You know, the general stuff like you have to stay there, no backing out, the point of no return now that they were there. 

Wait, what? Why is this girl holding a hat? And why does it sound like there's bottle caps in it?

"Okay, so I put bottle caps in here. Everyone picks one. There is a few that have more than two but hey, makes things more interesting. Anyways, once everyone picks one, the pairs will go off in seperate rooms of the house and...I dunno, do their 'thing'." the kid does air quotes then rolls her eyes. She looks a little goth for his tastes. Wait, wasn't this Dave's sister? Whoops, well anyways the hat is passed around and eventually it reaches him.

With a dip of his hand, Karkat's fingers graze over the cool metal of the caps. He picks one and pulls his hand out. It's a Faygo cap. This one is cherry. Ugh, Faygo. Once the hat finally made its trip around the circle, the girl; Rose he remembered, tells them all to find their partner or partners. 

There was no way he was getting back up just yet. The shouty shrimp had gotten comfortable there on the floor. So, as everyone was moving, he just stayed put like the antisocial teenager he is.

"Karkat? You don't have a partner?" he looked up to see Kanaya, probably the only person he trusts anymore. She was a few inches taller than him with short, brown hair, vivid green eyes that held more wisdom than her years, and a sharp fashion sense. She was lean, wearing a dress that flowed as she walked around. 

"I'm sure I do, but I don't really care." he dropped the cap onto the floor in front of him and scowled. "I didn't want to leave my quiet oasis for this." 

"I see. Well, it is only thirty minutes. And people know better than you think Karkat." Kanaya said. He only rolled his eyes. "I probably ended up getting of the ones with three caps." he'd be the third wheel. 

"You never know. You might have gotten a crush of yours."

Considering Karkat's luck, hardly. He probably got stuck with...ugh, Vriska's sister for all he knew. If it were Vriska herself, okay, maybe???

But her sister is a big, bright red flag that says  _ **NO FUCKING THANKS**_!

Anyways! Karkat sighed and got up. Guess its time to see who he got stuck with. 

He went around, glancing at the bottle caps in everyone's hand, comparing them with his own. So far, no one had the same shitty Faygo cap as him. Wait. 

I take that back. 

Oh wait. It's fucking John. Oh all people, John Egbert. Everyone knows he's hardly interested in guys. At least that's what the rumors around the school said. Though they were hardly rumors. This school didn't succumb to petty rumors and gossip. That shit was stupid and the people in it were grown adults! 

Anyways, cap, John, same...okay, back to reality. Karkat sighs and nervously walks up to the dark haired kid he concidered a peer. Man, he didn't want to do this, it was stupid! He should just wal-

"Yo, Egbert, we got the same cap?" oh god.

Not him. Not HIM. Of all the stuck up...

"Oh....u-uh...hi Dave." John was actually taken aback by the sudden presence of Dave. Karkat watched as he compared his cap with Dave's and nodded. 

Wait. If Karkat had the same bottle cap as John that meant..Awww fuck.


	2. Close Corners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the three get shoved into the closet, some...things happen.

Within a few minutes, Rose had rounded all the pairs together and shoved them all into their own closets. 

And of course...they get the smallest one. Or what seemed like it. It was probably because there were three of them there and with Dave being the tallest of them, it made Karkat feel mightily closed in and uncomfortable. 

All he wanted to do was sit in the kitchen for the duration of this shitty party. That's all he wanted to do! What the hell did he do to deserve this?! Karkat had ace grades and even did stupid extracurricular shit that wasted his studying time! Stupid waste of time shit...

He must have been muttering because a voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "Huh?" 

"I said are you okay, Karkat?" it was John. 

"If being locked in a closet for thirty minutes with someone I hate and someone I somewhat respect to a certain degree is concidered 'okay', then yes, I am perfectly 'okay'." Karkat said gruffly as he crossed his arms and leaned on the wall closet to him, sliding down slowly to sit. 

"I guess you're right." John murmured. 

"Guys, could you be any more depressing?" 

"In fact, I can. Let me just waddle off to a corner and sit there, wishing I was never dragged into this shitty party to begin with," Karkat lifted his plush little rump off the ground and crab walked to the corner, plopping himself down once again. "I wish I had never agreed to this at all. I could be at home, studying for the finals. I could have a nice dinner I could have cooked but no, I was living off of stupid soda for the night!" Karkat crossed his arms and growled a little to emphasize his dislike for...well everything. 

"Woah, Karkat, calm down man." John lifted his palms up in a sort of defensive gesture. "It's not like either of us plan to go though with this game anyways."

"Oh, I dunno John. You never know when someone might just...snap." the blonde's voice had adopted a lower, gravelly tone of voice as he dropped down to Karkat's level and started to crawl slowly to the Cancer. 

"Dave, what the ever loving taint chafing fuck are you doing?" 

The Sagittarius grinned. Oh god, what the fuck? "Oh, nothing." at this point, Dave was sitting in Karkat's lap. 

"Get the fuck off of me before I rip your dick off and feed it to you!!" Karkat yelled. Dave ignored him and leaned in slowly. And slowly, Karkat's vision blurred at their closeness. He shut his eyes and prepared for the worst. 

All he felt were soft lips on the tip of his nose and the pressure on his lap lifted suddenly. Karkat opened one eye and saw Dave snickering quietly to himself, standing back up again. John stood next to him, an utter look of confusion mixed with...was that a blush? It was hard to tell, the closet was so poorly lit by a naked bulb above their heads, swinging a bit. Dave probably bumped his head on it which caused its momentum.

Uh, well anyways, with the bulb swinging and casting eerie shadows around the room, Karkat only had the look of pure shock. Then it contorted into one of disgust. 

"WHAT THE FUCK STRIDER, YOU GAVE ME A FUCKING HEART ATTACK! WERE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME BACK THERE?!" 

"Nah, man, I just wanted to scare you." 

"WELL IT DIDN'T FUCKING WORK!"

"The blush on your face says otherwise man." 

What? Was he really blushing? If anyone knew Karkat, they'd know that whenever he gets angry, he turns pale. So when he rose his hands to let his fingers brush over his cheek, Karkat was surprised to feel warmth. 

Aw fuck no, Karkat was not giving Dave the satisfaction of knowing he got under his skin like this. Speaking of which, his felt prickly all over. Eugh, it felt weird. 

"I'M NOT BLUSHING!" 

Finally, his yelling seems to snap John out of his awkward stupor.

"G-Guys, please can you n-" Dave shut John up with a peck on the nose. The Aries flushes brightly. Well, there's no denying that John certainly turned into a Christmas tree. "I-I-I-I...I'M NOT A HETEROSEXUAL! W-W-W-W-WAIT I-I MEAN!!" 

Well, they say you speak the truth when you're drunk...or scared...lets leave it at that, shall we? 

Both Dave and Karkat started, shocked at the sudden outburst. 

"Wait, wait, wait, John, are you telling us you were never straight to begin with?" Karkat asked. John flushed more and groaned. 

"So all that talk was just bull. I knew it." the scrutiny in his voice told Karkat that Dave had probably came to that conclusion a long time ago.

All this talk about sexuality was making him think. Karkat had never really given it much thought. He was too busy doing more important and pressing matters.

It didn't matter. Because right now, John was giving weak, nervous little nods, confirming that it was, indeed true. 

Well then. Even though Karkat wasn't the one to judge, he still found it surprising. He didn't know why but he just...did. 

"So...you've never dated?" Dave asked. John shook his head. "Well, I'll save you some pain now. When all seems well, life is like a puzzle. You have all the pieces. You just have to put them in the right spot but then a fucking break up happens. Everything falls apart. You go into this state of angry and bitter." 

...Wow Dave. "Seriously, Dave?" Karkat muttered. 

"Oh, I am so serious, babe."

Oh god, Dave Strider was hitting on him. 

On both of them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hah, you thought dirty things would ensue didnt you. You dirty readers, you.  
> Anyways, thanks for the Kudos and the like!  
> Yeah, its a little shorter than I intended but it happens when I type on shitty ipods and work till one for your enjoyment.  
> You're welcome by the way.


	3. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio is still locked in their little closet of rainbows and fun. Dave starts evaluating what's been going on and finally admits...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, shout out to my friend. Happy birthday dude. *Double pistols and a wink* You know who you are, T.  
> ♪ ( ´ ▽ ` )ゞ  
> This (terrible birthday present) chapter is for you! Twelve in the morning, on the dot!

Dave had no fucking clue what he was doing. If he remembered right, he dragged Karkat to play a game with them, picked a bottle cap, compared it with John's, had Karkat end up shouting at him for having the same cap as well, getting shoved into a closet with the two by his sister, then end up somehow flirting with them. 

...He had no regrets. But he could have sworn that Rose gave him a wink before closing the door behind him. Damn girl, it was like she fucking knew! Well, Rose did, she is Dave's sister after all. It was her job to know! 

Anyways, no regrets. Dave really did like the two dorks he was stuck with. And not the kind of friendship like, the love like. 

Yeah, he may be the most popular senior at school, but fuck, these nerds he's stuck with always had his heart. He could have all the babes he wanted and he chose John and Karkat. Two of his peers who had hardly any social life. Or social media. He couldn't find Karkat anywhere on Facebook! He practically had to dig to find John. But it came to the fact that he didn't have one. So he just found his Pesterchum and talked to Karkat that way.

Okay, screw social media, he hardly cared or even used Facebook. What mattered was that he was stuck in a closet with two of his crushes. John had unwillingly admitted to them that the rumors about him were fake. So what about Karkat? No one really knows much about him. He's so damn underground...er...not in the hipster way but still. 

Dave sighed softly and leaned on the wall. He was so close, yet so far away with these two. The nose kisses were just the start really. He just wanted to scoop them both up, grab the nearest Tinker Bell, throw pixie dust on them, and fly off to Neverland. Wait what? 

No, he just really wanted them to be in a polyamourus with him. 

He glanced at John who, even in the shitty lighting, was still giving a pretty vibrant red. Karkat hardly seemed to be blushing at all. But he was sure if he took off his shades he could see a little bit of red dust that pale ginger face of his. 

"Dave. Where you fucking hitting on us?" It was Karkat who finally broke the silence. 

Play it cool Strider, you're fine. "Yeah, I'm sure you'd know. You do watch all of those shitty Romcoms during lunch you know. You'd know the difference between casual flirting and pure cool." nice one. 

"Ugh." he watched Karkat turn away and fiddle with the hem of his sleeves. 

"Casual flirting, that was far from i-it, D-Dave, you kissed me!" John squeaked. Oh god that was adorable. 

"I kissed your nose. Not your dick. There's a difference." 

"Ohmygodstopplease!" John groaned. Dave chuckled and let out one of those über rare smiles he made. 

"Alright, I'll stop." he put his palms up in a defensive like gesture. "But, John, I have a question, how long?" 

"For...what...?" the darker haired boy gave him a weird look...as if he were asking for his size.

"Have you known you were a homo and who sparked it." he heard John let out a soft whoosh of air. 

"Why would I just tell you?"

"Dude. My Bro is gay, so I am, it kind of runs in my family. I...won't say who actually prodded that sick fire yet." 

John paused, glancing at Karkat who gave him a 'I'm not joining this conversation' look. "...About two or three months ago I guess...there was just this...guy but then he turned out to be a total asshole. He beat me up once. Vriska helped me through that." Dave remembered. In result, Dave had ended up returning the favor to the asshole. 

"What about you, Karkat?" Dave turned to look at the ot- when did he take his sweater off? And why is he bare chested? His eyes widened behind his shades. On the pale flesh was two scars. The skin was wrinkled and old looking. And from the looks, probably years old. The scars were small but he noticed they were on his back too. Like something perforated his small body. Funny...Dave had similar scars that marred his back and chest...only much bigger...a-anyways...

He noticed something else. There were old seared marks on random spots of his skin. 

"What?" Dave was shaken from his thoughts by Karkat. He quickly withdrew from his observations. 

"Gay, straight, bi, what?" 

"Does it matter?"

"Yes it does." 

"Ugh, fine! Bi, happy?" Karkat grumbled. 

"Very." 

"Um...Dave, why are you asking...?" 

"Because you two were the ones who kindled my homo fires." that...could have been worded much better. John and Karkat gave him confused looks. "Sorry. What I'm trying to say is that I like you guys." that's better Dave, take it slow. 

"Yeah, I figured that out." Karkat said flatly, crossing his arms on his bare chest. John shifted a little bit, looking a bit uneasy before he spoke. 

"I...have something to admit too...Dave, I return your feelings. I actually have for awhile now." 

Holy fuck, really? This...is fuckin' surreal. 

"Really?" and he had been too blind to see it? Were his shades too dark and obscuring his view? What if he had to get new ones?! There must be some kind of...err! Like he was imagining this!

"Yeah." he nodded. Well, guess his shades are fine. No need to get rid of them. Both Dave and John turned to Karkat in an expecting manner. 

"What?" there was a pause of silence. "Wait, you want me to admit something too? I don't have time for thinking about dating! We have the finals soon and all you guys care about is...," Karkat paused and gestured to both of them. "this!" 

"What's wrong with this?" John asked, a frown on his face as he adjusted his frames. 

"Nothing just...ugh. I don't really give a shit about this kind of stuff. In movies, I'm totally cool with it. But in reality, love is cold and hard." oh boy, hes about to start ranting. 

"Love in fiction versus real life is not the same. Reality isn't some kind of fairy tale! Magic carpets are bogus, princesses aren't just some random little kid, and knights of valor are a myth. The code of honor was really more of guide lines than an actual code!" 

"Okay, Karkat, this is cool and all but you don't have to rant about it..." Dave murmured. The Cancer stopped. 

"Fine. But still." 

"Yeah...I understand..." he sighed. 

Karkat had a lot to think about, but Dave would be patient with him until he truly accepted his own feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I kissed your nose. Not your dick. There's a difference."   
> I'm sorry but this is the best line I ever wrote.  
> I can't tell the size difference between chapters but I do my best! I hope you all liked the third chapter. Thanks for Kudos and the like.


	4. Reminisces of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still stuck in the closet. And being who he is, flashbacks into the past to how they all met and how they came to be...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, over 200 hits...uh...thanks!...?  
> I think? ！(◎▽◎;)

_"Uh, hi, I'm John. W-what's your name?" the dark haired boy asked. John had moved during summer to this new place. His dad had gotten a promotion and the moved to a much bigger home. And now, John had to go to a place called Skaia High. It was hardly like his old school._

_Well, what school would be identical to the other? That was like asking snowflakes to dress up as one another. Anyways, it was first block and it was advanced chemistry. He had taken the last seat beside a small red headed kid reading..._

_Was that a cookbook? Weird reading material but who was he to judge?_

_The teen only glanced over the rim of his book, looking John over and snorting softly before looking back down._

_Well, conversation has ended. So much for making friends like his dad said. He only knew one other person in this school and it was Jade. She's his sister but right now, she was spending time with their grandfather. And neither of their schedules had the same classes.  He wasn't going to see her friendly face until lunch._

_"Karkat." said a gruff voice next to him. Oh! Quickly realizing who had spoken, John smiled._

_"That's a cool name. Nice to meet you, Karkat."_

_"Yeah, the pleasure is all mine." Karkat muttered in a flat tone. Maybe he's this way all the time? Quickly brushing the sarcasm off, John tried to make idle conversation._

_"So, uh, why are you reading a cookbook?"_

_"For the same reason someone reads any other book."_

_"Oh..." conversation done...again. Well. "Uh...I see. Well, what do you cook then?"_

_"Anything and everything." Karkat turned the page and continued to read on. It was then John noticed that his eyes were an unnatural grey color._

_"Hey, why are your eyes grey? Are you wearing contacts?" He just couldn't surpress the curiosity in his voice. Karkat sighed, as if he knew he was going to be asked that question._

_"No, I'm not wearing contacts." somehow, John thought that was total bullshit. Before he could call Karkat off, their teacher came in._

_"Good morning, I am Mr.Hussie, your teacher."_

_This was going to be a long day. He heard from Jade that this guy is practically everywhere, doing anything he could to fill in for the shortage of staff. If he remembered right, he was the principal. Great._

_Unceremoniously, Karkat snapped his book shut, making John jump a little. Attendance was taken and everyone was on their way._

_John noticed that for such a stout kid, Karkat had a sort of...grace to his movements. Oddly enough, it wasn't really grace, more of his own mannerisms that caught John's eye. Like the way Karkat would hold his pencil in his right hand, only to switch it to his left soon after, then switch it again. It occurred to him that Karkat was ambidextrous._

_Cool._

_Okay, back to work reading the census in front of him._

_Blah blah blah, phone will get taken, no hats, respect respect respect, blah blah blah, grades...man was there anything they could do? With a sigh, John signed the paper, clicking his favorite blue pen closed when he was finished. He looked to Karkat. His nose was back in the book._

_"What." the other said flatly._

_"You're finished already?"_

_Karkat snorted a bit "Unlike the illiterate asshole jocks, I know what I'm doing." No kidding._

_"So...I guess you really like to cook?" John never felt so awkward in his life._

_"Like is an understatement. I'm intellectually more experienced in the culinary arts than everyone in this room, combined."_

_"Well, aren't you overly confident in your abilities."_

_"I'm not overly confident, I know for a fact."_

_Just then the door opened. A tall boy with blond hair walked in, bag slung messily on his shoulder and shades slightly askew. Why was he wearing shades? There was red at the bangs of his hair that gave him a sort of punk look but it was clearly fading away. He wore a grey tank top under a thin red flannel with cargo pants and red Vans sneakers._

_"Late as always I see, Strider."_

_"Sorry. I woke up late." Mr.Hussie held out a census to the kid and he took it while he walked past the desk. This boy intrigued John quite a bit. Like if he was hiding something. The shades were suspicious enough. And from what he can tell, there was a faint scar just poking from under the collar of his tank top. What happened there?_

_God, John, you're so nosy, quit checking the hot kid out._

_He flushed slightly._

_The kid sat down in the desk next to John. "Sup. I'm Dave." he heard him say._

_"H-Hello." he managed quietly._

_This was going to be a long year._

***

John was snapped back into reality by the sound of Dave's voice. He blinked and looked up. He no longer had the red streaks in his hair and wore a plain red tshirt with casual jeans and the same Vans from his flashback. He glanced to Karkat who he knew had long since finished the cookbook he was reading through.

He remembered after that day he had fumbled a lot once the block was over. 

And he knew that was a sure sign of a love stricken kid. And now that he was here, he had finally admitted it. Of course, he had expected Dave to say no problem, but Karkat was much harder to sway. 

Maybe if he and Dave joined forces..hmm...

John was starting to get ideas...quite good ones. With Dave's help it might just knock Karkat off his highest knightly horse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, just a little back story on how they met I guess. Sorry if it's boring. Welp. Onto the next I guess. I keep thinking they're getting shorter...I'll try to make the next longer. Feel free to give suggestions and ideas.


	5. The Chapter In Which John And Dave Try To Get Karkat To Come To His Senses And Join Their Heap Of Pepsi Cola And Add A Little Cherry To The Mix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party is finally over and it's been roughly a week since it's happened. John and Dave had begun dating. But so far, Karkat is still being a lil' shit and not joining them. Hopefully they can get him to come to this little get together...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, look at me, five chapters on a fic I have no idea where I'm going with. Ideas and stuff are appreciated and totally welcome as long as they're within reason.  
> I'm just gunna casually stick a few references in here. Because I love this podcast and it is the best =w=  
> Also, the long chapter name was totally on purpose.

It's been quite some time since the party was over now and finally, Karkat was back at home in his apartment, doing what he did best. Cook. But not the way he usually did. No, he was busy studying to actually take some time to cook something that took hours to prepare.

Right now he was just making some simple Ramen noodles for himself. It was quick and it gave him some time to study this fucking math problem he couldn't quite get the hand of. Stupid damn advanced calculus. Why must you be so fucking complicated?!

The small red headed teen sighed, placing the book down and rubbing the heels of his palms against his eyes gently and groaning. He's been studying nonstop and holy fuck, was he getting a headache. A break was well over due now.

Speaking of eyes, Karkat didn't have his contacts in. In replacement, he had glasses on. Yeah, he needed glasses and well, they didn't do too well to hide the color of his eyes. They were only on when he was home and positive that no one was going to come knocking on his door, though he wasn't sure why anyone wanted to in the first place.  
Checking the small pot and sticking the block of hardened noodle in the now boiling water, he put the top on and leaned on the counter opposite from the burners. He rubbed his temples and sighed.

Then there's knocking on his door.  
Knocking.  
On his door.  
On HIS door.  
What the fuck is this.  
Karkat groaned and nearly took the closest thing that was at his avalibility and chuck it at the door. Unluckily that was the knife holder which was quite full.  
Luckily for whoever was on the other side of the false wood was safe because he didn't actually do it.

Why not couldn't he just be left in peace?! Why did he of all people have to be graced with whoever's unwanted presence was on the other side of the door? Why of ALL FUCKING PEOPLE COULDN'T THEY BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE SO HE COULD LIVE IN PEACE WITH HIS OWN THOUGHTS?!

"WHO THE FUCK IS IT, I'M BUSY AND COULD NOT DO WITH YOUR INTRUSION AT THE MOMENT!" he yelled from the kitchen. He listened carefully at the voice on the other side.  
"Oh you know, the usual, just handing out papers that ask that you start praising a glowing cloud that drops dead animals from time to time is all." Came a muffled voice.  
"What, Dave, no that's not why we're here why would you say that? Where the heck did you get that from?" came another voice.  
Not these idiots again.

He went over to the door and peeked though the little port hole in the door. Yep, Dave and John. Karkat sighed and opened the door. 

"You're either being really persistent with this transparent ruse, or you really are just that sad and incompetent." He said. 

"Woah, what a greeting Karkat. Can't start with hi, can you?" Dave was leaning against the door frame, a smirk on his face. "Woah, I didn't know you had nerd glasses."

"Wh-" fuck he forgot to pull them off and shove a hood or something on.

"Dave, I wear nerd glasses too."

"Yeah but you have them all the time. Karkles doesn't. And is that...red I see?" Dave leaned in a bit, trying to get a better look at Karkat's eyes.

"I'm sorry, did I say you could come in? I don't think I did." And Karkat promptly went to slam the door in Dave's face for what seemed like the millionth time. But nope, as always, a foot was placed between the door and its frame. God dammit.

Karkat sighed and opened the door again. "Can you please leave me the fuck alone, I'd like to check the pot that's probably overflowing with bubbles and has basically become the center of my life as it boils over with metaphorical anger. Please." Karkat muttered, eyes clearly showing his discontent with their visit.

"Let us in then we will." They drive a hard bargain.

"You know what, fucking fine." Karkat opened the door the whole way and stalked inside his apartment, going into the kitchen and taking the top off the pot. Water died down and he picked up a fork and poked at the noodles. Ignoring the new visitors, he picked his text book again and continued to review the problems in it. 

"Huh, pretty nice place ya got here Karkat. I honesty expected worse." Dave said. 

"Oh fucking thanks, Dave." Karkat muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes. His place was messy, yes, but still had a sense of cleanliness to it. 

"You're so welcome, Karkat."

"Wow, you're both so immature." John said, flopping on the old, ratty couch that Karkat's mom had given him before she passed. He refused to get a new one. "Of course we are. We're teenagers. It's what we do." Dave said, his voice a distance away, probably looking through the shelf of books or DVD cases he owned. 

Karkat looked up from over the top of his book to check the pot before moving the noodles around and turning the burner off. He let the food cool a little before adding the little powder from the packet the Ramen came with, mixing it then letting it set for a few minutes before transferring it to a bowl and eating. He looked at the two to check on them. John was still on the couch, checking the time with his phone before shoving it back in his pocket. 

Dave on the other hand was messing with his books. "Karkat, do you own anything that isn't part of a cookbook or shitty series of books like Fifty Shades of Grey or Twilight?" 

"Hey, why the fuck are you looking through my books!" 

"Why not?" Dave pulled out a copy of Fifty Shades and opened to a random page. " _'Turning to face him,I'm shocked to find he had his erection firmly in his grasp. My mouth drops open. "I want you to become well accuainted, on first name terms if you will, with my favorite and most cherished part of my body."'_ " Dave snorted. "What the hell Karkat, do you jerk off to this or something?" The book snaps closed and gets put back on the shelf. John snickered a little bit. 

"Wh- NO! IT'S A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF A PSYCHOLOGICAL RELATIONSHIP!"

"Riiiiight." Dave said with a clear sarcastic tone to his voice. Karkat growled a little and threw his calculus book at the blond which landed squarely where he wanted; Dave's head. "OW! Fucking hell! Seriosuly? Don't go chucking things at me! Books are dangerous! Especially when you read ones that make you learn!"

"Dave, where the hell do you get all this stuff? Even I don't know where you get it. First it's mountains aren't real then all the way to a tiny town in a bowling alley."

"It is my quality podcast that I intend to keep from you because you aren't worthy enough to be graced by the voice of Cecil."

"...Okay." John frowned a bit. "Can't you at least give me a hint."

"No." Dave said flatly. John groaned then went limp, groaning. "You suck, Dave." 

"Oh, would you like to know."

"What?"

"Nothing." 

Okay, these idiot's shenanigans are really getting on his nerves. "Shut the fuck up you assholes. I have a headache enough as it is." There was a sudden blur and Dave was behind him. Woah, he thought that flashstep rumor was a fake. 

Dave placed an arm under his arms and around Karkat's torso, using his free hand to pet his red mess of hair. "Shoooosh, I'm here. Mother Strider will take care of you."

"...What." was all the Vantas could manage through his shock and confusion. He tried to pull out of the grip but, fuck, Dave was stronger than he looked. "Let me go you fucking insufferable prick." Karkat growled. 

"Don't talk to your mother that way." Dave said, wrapping his arm around tighter. He groaned and squirmed, trying to get out of the vise like grip.

"LET ME GO!" Karkat yelled, now just giving up trying to worm his way out.

"No. If you want to be free you have to give the valiant knight a kiss." He could feel Dave smirking it was ridiculous. 

"Fuck that!"

"Then you aren't going anywhere any time soon!" Karkat wad suddenly lifted off his feet, a hand at the small of his back and under his knees. He squeaked and instinctively wrapped his arms around Dave's neck. He was never good with heights, especially after he was shoved off a roof when he was younger, getting impailed in the back, all the way through to his chest from iron spikes from a fence. He was told he was lucky that nothing vital was pierced. It was almost a miracle. Awhile after that incident, he was caught in a fire, trapped in the building while he was visiting Sollux's place. Somehow he survived that but suffered serious burns. Again, they said it was a miracle.

Pah, miracles are like poop stains on God's underpants. 

Dave carried him off to the couch, plopping down beside John but keeping hold of Karkat. "Yo, Egderp, put something in, my hands are occupied at the moment." 

"Heh, okay. Anything you want to watch?" 

"My Little Pony Equestria Girls."

"Dave, we are not watching that just because it's ironic."

"Fine. I don't even think Karkat has it anyways, the cheapskate."

"HEY! Let me the fuck go!"

"No." Dave shifted him so he was off his lap and on the couch, arm draped heavily over his shoulders. 

 "Get off." He grumbled, now realizing it's useless to try and escape. 

"I already gave you your choice." He heard John chuckle a little and he went over to the DVD player and popped whatever disk he had into it before settling down beside Karkat. "What did you put in, John?" 

"Secret Window. All Karkat has is romance movies. Though I don't see how this one is." 

"It is, his wife cheated on him and he obviously still loves her. He starts to blame all the deaths from the other guy that was sent on her new husband!" 

"I guess..." John shrugged then put his arm over Dave's. Looks like Karkat isn't going to eat nice warm Ramen tonight. What a waste. 

"...can I at least eat my dinner?" Karkat said quietly.

"Fine. If you must." Dave got up this time, going to the kitchen. The wet  _plop_ of cooked noodles hitting the bottom of a bowl is heard and Dave's steps return. He hands the smaller teen the bowl and sits back down. 

Satisfied that he at least got his food, Karkat starts to eat. The movie is played and he settles down between the two he's being held captive by and watches the movie, quietly slurping the Ramen. He's seen this one quite a lot but he didn't care if he watched it again. Karkat treats all his novels, cookbooks, and movies like they were his children and he always takes the care to give them each a little attention. 

By the time he finished and placed the bowl on the small coffee table in front of them, Mort was starting to think Ted sent Shooter to go and harass him. About half way maybe? Probably. He sneaked a quick peak at both kids beside him. John seemed pretty into it now. Dave was hard to read as always. 

"Why didn't he come to that conclusion by now? I figured that out after I saw the new guy come in!" The dark haired boy muttered. Dave tsked and shook his head. 

"Nah, John, Shooter is actin' on his own will." he said. 

"You idiots are both wrong." Karkat huffed. He said no more after that. 

By the time the film was done, Everyone was tired and it was really late. Karkat yawned, stretching a bit. He was already considering to just stay there and sleep between the warm masses of body next to him. 

"Wow. I should have known the guy was crazy." Dave yawned, rubbing his eyes from under his shades. Karkat took his glasses off and put them on the table in front of the three. He curled up a bit and leaned against Dave a little. John sort of flopped onto him as he did, yawning. He started to doze off, sandwiched between the two. 

He...had to admit it...this was...nice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very VERY appreciated thanks to one of my friends who got me past writers block for this chapter! You know who you are, J. ^u^  
> Welp. Did you get the references? I hope so...they were so painfully obvious. I don't even know why you didn't notice them. Like the Faceless Old Woman who's in your mirror now. All you need to do is turn your head and you'll see her there...


	6. Camping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been some time and Dave wants to take a trip right after finals, or rather, Bro wants to and is dragging Dave along with him. There's no way he's not going to leave John behind.  
> But that lil' fucker Karkat is still being stubborn...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo...yeah...this will have a few YouTuber references because I can't help it now. Don't kill me because of my choice in gamers, alright? I love this guy and he is best. He deserves to have a place in every fandom.

"Hey, John, how much have you been studying for the finals?" Dave asked as the two walked to the school doors. By general observation, it's obvious it's the day. The Day. The one where they all have to get their asses in gear and take the last test of the year.

"My dad's been hounding me to do it, so a lot. You?"

"Bro didn't care but I still did enough to know what I'm doing." Dave looked around, trying to find Karkat. That kid still refuses to form the poly that they want. It wasn't like Karkat lived with anyone to keep this secret. Sure, Kankri lived a few doors down but he didn't share the same place with Karkat. But so far, since the week of the finals, the guy has become a damn ghost. 

"Hey John, have you seen Karkat lately?" he asked, still looking around, only for him to come short yet again. How hard is it to look for a little redheaded guy with a temper?

"No. It's like he disappeared. Hey, look, there's his brother...with Cronus hitting on him still. He's...trying to serenade him again. Wow he doesn't give up, does he?"

"John. Neither do we. We are getting Karkat to date us and it is going to be very fucking soon. Bro told me he wanted to go out camping and I intend to bring you and Karkat with me."

"...Dave, you do realize Karkat isn't an outdoor person, right? I think I heard somewhere he has a fear of drowning...and mannequins. Though I can't blame him on the mannequins. They're weird." John shrugged. "But anyways, I'd be totally okay to go! How are you going to convince Karkat to go if we can't even find him?"

"Isn't it obvious John? He's like a pile of dirt we need to look for," the dark haired boy scrunched up his nose "yeah, weird I know. Why would we need to look for a pile of dirt. Well...I don't know, I didn't have any better metaphors." Dave shrugged. "Then again, everyone is sort of like a pile of dirt to me. Hey dirt, have you seen a pile of dirt? It's about this high, looks like dirt."

"Wow, Dave." John said, his tone flat. The blond chuckled and shook his head.

"I'm just kidding, John, really, you can't take a joke?"

"I can, but that metaphor was so bad..."

"Yeah, not one of my best." Dave sighed. "Let's just get the finals done and finally be done with school!"

"Heh, yeah." And with that, they both went inside Skaia High for the last time. Of course, it was a lot of strain on the kids for the last test to be on the last day. But hey, not every school is perfect. 

Anyways, Dave waved to John as they went to their own separate ways. Right now, he had gym. They had already done their finals. Really all it consisted of was just a list of the things they did.

Dave got a perfect grade in gym of course. Bro would kill him of he didn't get an A in something as easy as this!

Anyways, the test here was done and they got to do whatever they wanted. For him, that was playing a little Five Nights at Freddy's. Four to be exact. He couldn't figure out how to beat Freddy. If he had to listen then the bear had a different breathing pattern than Chica and Bonnie.

He plugged in his ear buds into his phone, opened the app and started the game. And instantly he went into serious gaming mode. Really just him concentrating on the game really hard to win. 

Come on...come on, Dave, you can do this, check the left, check the bed, closet, then lastly the right. So far, nothing. He repeated the process and eventually got to the point where it was one AM. He bit the inside of his cheek and decided to start checking first rather than hearing. With a flick of the light, he almost dropped his phone. He closed the door and waited for the leaving footsteps.

Out in the backround, there was this kid named Wade. He was trying to shoot hoops but failing badly. And he was being loud about it too. 

Dave grumbled and paused the game, glaring up. 

"SHUT UP, WADE!" he yelled. Damn kid is annoying. Dave went back down to his screen and continued on. He managed to make it to five now and was ready to go to the next night after, what, five or six tries?

Don't fuck up...dooooon't fuck up. He checks the door but...the laugh plays and he starts to panic. That means the bear is either at the closet or on the bed. He checks the bed. Nope. He checks the closet. 

"Fuck, where...?" To the left...no. Dave starts to panic, going to the ri- 

"GO AWAY! NOBODY LIKES YOU! HE'S STILL THERE!" He shuts the door, heart actually beating fast, palms sweating, and grip shaking. Holy shit. Change to six already! Come on....

The familiar chime of six AM finally goes off. 

"YES. FUCKING...YES!" at that moment the bell rang...woah, was he playing for that long? Well, he picks up his stuff and heads out to continue his day.

 

***

 

Finally, the end of the day and still, no sign of that shock top of red hair that belonged Karkat anywhere. Maybe checking his house...maybe...

Yeah. Oh, John. Hey there. 

"Hey, Johnny Boy." He wraps an arm around the shorter boy's hips and steals a kiss. 

"Hi Dave." The other greets, smiling and leaning into Dave. "How were your tests?"

"I felt like I failed but there's not much I can do about that."

"Dave you say that to every test you take."

He just shrugs and grins. "Any sign of Karkles yet?" His boyfriend shakes his head and sighs.

"Nope. But I think Kankri said he went home already." Well, that works in his favor. The last place Dave was going to check was the apartments.

"Sweet. Want to head over there with me?" 

"Of course. There's no telling what you'll decide to say at any given moment." So true though. With a few minutes, the two were ready to go and started walking to the apartment that Karkat lived in. It wasn't far. The majority of the school walked anyways. That or they took the bus. No one had time to ask their friends or parents for a ride. 

"Hey, John, I bet you ten bucks that Karkat is watching some soap opera in celebration of the final school day ending."

"Oh? You're only saying that because you know it's going to happen."

"I could be just to throw you off." The shorter of the two narrowed his eyes a little. 

"You're on. And if he isn't, you have to lick a smuppet."

"Wai-"

"Come on Dave!" John rushed the blond off before he could protest. He groaned and cursed himself for making such a stupid bet. 

They reach the building and go in. Dave happened to live in the same one and Karkat had about ten or more floors below Dave's place. Karkat had one of the smaller rooms. The lower, the more afordable spots really. Karkat's job wasn't exactly a high paying one. He did whatever he could in a small bakery and café to earn enough. The guy deserved much better with his skill though. At the moment of that thought, they had arrived at Karkat's door. Rather than knocking, he tried the knob. It was surprisingly unlocked. Very uncharacteristic of Karkat. 

"Yo, Kitkat, you here?" He called. The television was on and he saw the boy in question, washing his hands with some show on. "Hey, Karkat, I'm goin' on a camping trip, you want to come?" Rather than answering, the redhead turned off the faucet and dried his hands before grabbing the remote and turning the volume up. He was ignoring them. Dave nudged John's shoulder and felt the other sigh before digging for his wallet.

What was Karkat even watching? It looked like Pretty Little Liars or something...probably not....but...this...he had to get this out of his system. "Karkat." He tried again. Only more volume as one of the girls is talking 

"SHUT UP NURSE!" Much better. 

"Fucking seriously Dave? You just have to ruin a good show while I'm watching it."

"Yes. You didn't answer my question Catnip." 

"Stop calling me that! Or any other fucking name! Just Karkat. How many god forsaken times have I got to tell you not to call me some stupid pet name?!" 

"Karkat, you should know he doesn't listen." John pointed out. He just groaned and facepalmed. 

"If I fucking agree will you promise to leave me be and stop bothering me?!"

"Maybe." Dave smirks and watches the redhead growl in frustration. 

"Okay, time out for the idiot. The idiot gets a time out and shuts up for a second. That is you." He jabs a finger at him and Dave huffs. 

"Alright, fine, yes I'll stop bugging you and your soap operas." Karkat seems to consider the offer now. 

"Fine. Tents or a travel trailer?" 

"Tents of course. We have no where to store a travel trailer, you of all people should know that Karkat."

Well, at least they got Karkat on board now! 

"Dave are we staying in a campground?" John asks. 

"No. But Bro and I used to use this awesome clearing years back." 

"Great, in the middle of fucking no where." The redhead muttered. Oh if he only knew...

 

***

 

They were finally in the clearing. Bro had picked up John and they didn't have to go far to get Karkat. The clearing had bunches of flowers here and there, some actual wildflowers and others just dandelions and weeds. The sound of birds can be heard and at some point a crow cawed, making the song falter for a second before continuing. The grass was pretty lush here and the stream was about a minute's walk on an old deer path. It was just as Dave had remembered it. 

"It's so peaceful and pretty I think I'm going to vomit." Karkat grumbled, lugging his bag out from the back of the truck. 

"You just can't handle it is all." Dave said. 

"You're right, I can't. Can I go home now? I'd like to bake a black forest cake and bask in my own lies of how I want to be here so much." 

"Sorry, Bro isn't taking us back until Sunday."

"Oh, great, two days out in the wilderness how wonderful." Karkat huffed, tossing his bag onto the grass and kneeling over it to unzip it and pull out a cookbook. This one was entitled _Idiot's Guide to Campfire Cookouts._

No, it wasn't called that, but for the record, let's say it did. Because this is Dave. And he likes to make things better than they were. Because he is Dave. And he can do what he wants. 

"Karkat, you're so melodramatic." John said, getting his bag as well and unloading it. 

"Hey, it would be awesome if you helped unload things that weren't yours too." Bro intrupted, getting the tent out. Or...what was part of it. The brothers had lost the bag for the thing and now it's a pile of fabric, rope, poles, and stakes. And a mallet. Dave was way ahead of Bro, already reaching for the loose stuff. 

"Who wouldn't be?" the redhead retorted coldly as he flipped the page back and forth a few times to make sure he's read it right. John just frowns a little bit before plopping his bag down and going off to unload the truck. 

"Dave, go an' find us come wood, 'kay? Make sure it's dry this time, okay?" 

"You got it." He went off, starting at a nice decent jog as he went towards the stream, following the path. Within a minute he was there, going through and picking up any good sticks and logs. Wait, what's that in the distance? 

He squinted. Took a few cautious steps forward without falling into the water. Hell, Dave even lifted his shades to see better. It was an old log cabin. Cool! He set the wood down and crossed the water, going over to the old wood structure. What he saw he hadn't expected. This was some blacksmith house or something. 

"....WHEEEEEERE'S THE BLACKSMIIIITH!?!" he called, making a few birds fly from their perches from the trees in surprise. No answer to his total amazement. Okay, no, but still.

With his curiosity satisfied, Dave went back, grabbing more wood on the way then picking up his previous findings and going to the clearing. Karkat seems to be preparing something while John helps finishing the last of the stakes for the tent. It was a pretty big tent and could fit more than four. Plus, Dave and John were going to sleep together. So that gave room for Bro and Karkat. 

 

***

After a pretty good dinner made by Karkat, it had grown dark quickly. The sleeping bags were distributed and they went into the tent after they made sure everything was secured and away from sneaky critters trying to swipe a bite of their own. Naturally, he and John took the left most of the tent, zipping their sleeping bags together and wiggling in. Karkat took the middle and Bro, the right, zipping the flap up so he didn't have to deal with his younger brother's shenanigans if anything did turn up. 

...reader you have a dirty mind. Get your mind outta the gutter!

Anyways, John had fallen asleep almost immediately after curling up with him, now becoming the little spoon. Dave took off his shades and wiggled off John's glasses as well and set them aside gently above them so they were out of the way. He glanced to Karkat who seemed to have gone to sleep. But Dave knew better. 

"Karkat." He whispers, watching the small mass of warm sleeping bag and Vantas. "Hey, I know you're still up, come here." He heard a quiet groan and saw Karkat look over to them. 

"What." He huffed. 

"Get over here, it's freezing."

"You have John. Go to sleep."

"I'm not talking about myself." There's a long silent pause. Then a sigh and shuffling. Karkat inch worms his way to them and quietly attaches his sleeping bag to their's. "There. Now get over here and let the dork warm you up." 

"Dav-"

"Hush."

"Dave, I'm not going to be spooned by someone I'm not in a relationship with."

"Wanna run that by me again?" 

Karkat groaned and just fell silent. Well you tried Dave. A plus for trying. He nuzzled his nose into the crook of John's shoulder and neck and slowly began to fall asleep.

 

***

 

Dave was the first to wake up. And he was the first to notice. He placed his shades on his fa- no, those are John's...those are John's. He switched quickly and put his shades on then placed John's glasses onto his face before nudging him awake carefully. "John." He whispered. 

"Mm...wut Dave." Came the tired lazy voice of his boyfriend. 

"Look." 

John rubbed his eyes and yawned. But not before getting a face full of fluffy red hair. "Nn?" 

Karkat had shifted from his far side of the big sleeping bag to John and had the darker haired teen's arm around his torso. Hehe, so much for that, Karkat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe aww my adorable little nerdies. =w=  
> EDIT: I just realized tomorrow is my birthday. Wow I am so terrible at paying attention. Happy 8/23 to me.


	7. Mini-Chapter - RACOON! HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK, SOMEONE GET THIS THING OUT OF THE DAMN TENT NOW!!! WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS GET A NET OR SOMETHING IT'S STEALING MY SNACKS!!! ARUGH, DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING ON MY OWN?! JOHN?! DAVE!? GODDAMMIT!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YOU ASSHOLES, GET THE DAMN RACOON!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (❁~๏ ω๏)~ No regrets.

It was the middle of the night. Everyone was well in dream land. Karkat in perticular was curled up in his sleeping bag, which earlier that day he had unzipped from John and Dave's bags. It was because he had stashed some snacks from the cooler. And he planned to eat that chocolate he had stashed away to good use. In his stomach. Because he didn't want deserve this miserable camping trip. He deserved to spoil himself silly. 

But that didn't work after the first bar went down the hatch. He just fell asleep after that, the next bar only partly nibbled on and resting in his hand still, on his chest. So. Here we are now, a tent full of sleeping nerds, two dating, one with a sleeping bag full of chocolate bars, and the other...well, let's stop here. 

Karkat turned in his sleep but when he moved, something heavy on his chest shifted as well. That wasn't his hand. He yawned, sitting up a little and propping himself on his elbows. The opened bar was gone from his hand and the mass that was on his chest moved down to his feet where all the food was. 

"What the fuck?" Karkat murmured sleepily. He opened his sleeping bag to see...a racoon with a blue hat on....?

Well regardless, the sight caused the sleepy Vantas to scream. 

Which woke the other three from their slumber quite suddenly. 

"HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?"came Dave's response, his hair sticking up all over the place and shades off but eyes closed. Wary bastard. John just groaned unhappily. Bro on the other hand pulled back the flap that separated his room with the teens'.

"SOMEONE GET THE FUCKING THING OUT OF MY SLEEPING BAG, HOLY SHIT, IT'S STEALING MY FUCKING CANDY!" Karkat tried to take back the bars from the blue hatted theif but it only ran out of his reach, now trying to find an exit from the chaos. Karkat was trying to catch the thing while the three watched. Or...one watched with a blurred vision, one with his eyes closed, and the other actually watching with the pointy anime shades...probably...

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL SITTING THERE FOR, FUCKING HELP ME FOR FUCKS SAKE!

Bro sighed and managed to catch it, going over to the partially opened tent flap that was their entrance and exit. He shooed the racoon off, the thing managing to carry all the chocolate bars away with its two front paws. 

"What...the actual...fuck..." Karkat felt like he had a heart attack. "Dave, did you see it?! John!?" 

"Dude, it stole all your chocolate." Dave said. 

"Who cares about the chocolate, it had a fucking hat on!"

"A blue hat. I think. Everything's fuzzy..." John said. Dave handed him his glasses. "Thanks Dave." 

"Dude. We had a run in with Sly Cooper." Dave said dramatically. 

"Oh my god, you're an idiot, Dave." Karkat groaned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have total control over my life. =w=  
> So, random thing because I can. If you guys want, I'll take mini-chapter requests. And it doesn't have to be like...the three main characters. This could be like...a 'meanwhile, elsewhere' thing.


	8. And Now, Cooking With Dave Elizabeth Strider!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys finally make it home alive (and racoon free). There's an...argument between Dave and Karkat though.  
> Will it be resolved?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god-o-biscuits.tumblr.com gave me the idea for this one so enjoy. All ideas are welcome!

Cooking. That's the argument. 

Cooking. 

Fucking  _cooking._

Why.

Of all the shit they could argue about, why COOKING?! Seriously! 

"You idiot, you can't even sauté a mushroom if you wanted to!" Karkat growled, jabbing a finger at Dave's chest. 

"How do you know? Maybe I could have wicked cooking skills like you!" Dave retorted. 

"Guys, seriously?!" John groaned. They both ignored John and continued on. 

"Either way, I know how to make spaghetti without undercooking the pasta!" Karkat hissed. 

"At least I don't make it sound so complicated to say!" 

"Oh yeah!?" Karkat glared, crossing his arms. 

"Yeah!" 

"Then I demand a fucking cookoff." 

That made the two taller boys pause in surprise. "A what?" John and Dave said in unison. Karkat growled and rolled his eyes. 

"A thing to see who can cook the best. You seriously don't know what a cookoff is?!"

"We aren't you, Karkat."

"REGARDLESS I STILL DEMAND A FUCKING CONTEST! JOHN, YOUR JUDGE! THIS IS HAPPENING WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!" 

And so, there they are now, in Karkat's house, both trying to cook around the other. Karkat was busy at the stove and baking something in the oven at the same time while Dave was trying to grab a pot from around Karkat. 

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Karkat said, grabbing the pot away from him.

"Karkat, give me the pot I fucking need it."

"No you don't. I'm about to use it anyways. Get a different one, asshole."

"I need it for a minute!"

"And I need it for ten."  

"For what?!"

"Stuffing."

"Ugh, FINE!" Dave growled and went to get another pot, filling it with water and getting the elbow noodles from a shelf, dumping the majority of the box in and leaving only a few left inside and returning the box back to its spot. Karkat looked as of he were murdering the chicken. And that duck. And the turkey looks no better. 

Anyways, Dave worms his way around Karkat. The fridge and counter are so close together that Karkat's plush rump has to rub up against Dave's stomach an- ahem. 

Now that he was on the other side of the redhead, he turns on the stove and let's the water and noodles sit and boil. When it does and he's satisfied with it, he dumps a hunk of cheese he found in the fridge earlier. It starts to melt even before it hits the water. "Move aside Strider, I need to put this in there." Karkat said, a huge pile of meat on a sheet pan. Dave huffed and moved. 

"At least I listen."

"Shut the fuck up you idiotic sack of meat." 

"Guys please don't." John intrupted. 

And so, the food was eventually finished and served to John. While Karkat's looked almost like a Swedish chef made it, Dave's was....well it just was. He had burnt the cheese and the macaroni was still hard. And John was eating it now. 

"Um...wow Dave its....really...really good...super crunchy...um..."

"John, quit bullshitting me and just say it."

"It needs a little work..."

"John." 

"Okay, a lot. You burnt the cheese and the noodles are hard." Dammit. John tried the other and holy shit the look on his face was cute. "Karkat, this is...wow!" 

"I know." Responded that smug piece of aborable shit beside him. 

"Whatever, you may be better at cooking but you can't be better than me throwing down sick beats." 

"Oh, really? Another challenge?"

"Hell yeah. Karkat Vantas, I challenge you. Your plush little ass is about to be handed to you on a silver platter. Though you might try to accept this it doesn't matter. You might be trying, but in the end you're gunna end up crying. I'm warning you now Vantas, you better step down now, for this this Strider strives to destroy your plush VantASS."

There's a pause before Karkat shakes his head. "Yeah I got nothing there. Fuck you and your shitty beats." The redhead hissed. 

"Hah, you wish Karkat. But you aren't with us yet." Dave smirked a bit as he watched Karkat flush slightly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't rap and I really don't care. So random thing because I can. Ideas are welcome!


	9. Sick Beats and Ill Karkats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat ends up sick. Great. How does someone get sick during the summer?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For once this came from my own head!

Sick. Of all the illnesses he could receive during this time of the year. This season. Summer. What the fuck. How and why does this even happen?! 

Whoever knows, may it be doctor, nurse, or even his annoying brother, it was messing with his plans. With  _Karkat's plans._ Of all the shit that was to be fucked with, figuratively and literally (not really, Karkat isn't that sick and twisted to go down the yaoi hole yet), his plans were ruined. At this moment instead of going out to a date with this person he met in the cafe while working, he had to get sick. 

Of course. When he called he was greeted with a male voice that sounded suspiciously like someone he once had a friendship with. 

Karkat's friendship was short lived when he realized that his past 'girlfriend' (she was still more friend than girlfriend...if anything, friends with benefits), was dating him. Karkat's shit was flipped so fucking high it hit the goddamn ceiling and then further. He was that pissed, confused, and sad. 

The redhead groaned softly, the sound coming in a rather gross nasaly noise. He leaned over and wiggled his phone from the charger to begin messaging. 

 

CG: ALRIGHT YOU TWO, GET YOUR ASSES OVER TO MY APARTMENT NOW BEFORE I STARVE TO DEATH BECAUSE I CAN'T GET OUT OF BED.

 

Short and simple. That's how he kept it. He settled down in the soft pillow behind him and waited for the sound of his front door opening and John and Dave's steps to come in. But, he ended up falling asleep in the process and missed their arrival. 

"Karkat." Said a familiar yet oddly soothing voice. He didn't respond immediately but he huffed a bit as he was roused from sleep. 

"What." He yawned, propping himself up a little And rubbing his eyes to rid them of sleep still lingering. 

"Here." It was John, handing him a little Dixie cup with water and two small pills in hand. Karkat just took it without a word and downed both within two gulps. Dave came in with a bowl Karkat's mom had made from clay so long ago. There were a lot of things she gave him that he refused to get rid of. Like his couch. That thing was the fucking best and he'd never throw it out anyways.

"Hey Karkles. Couldn't just leave you hanging here to dry in your germ ridden bed so we had to do something."

Dave's voice didn't hold the same quiet, hospital like tone that John's had. Like always, he held in his emotions. He handed the bowl with a spoon to the other and shoved his hands into his pockets, going to a wall and leaning on it. Vantas rolled his eyes and scowled before taking a few spoonfuls of soup. Both boys watched 

"...Is this some form of entertainment you two suddenly got into? That my being sick is some how fun? That seeing me reduced down to asking for help means something?" Karkat muttered. 

"Woah, calm down." Dave started. "We know what happened with that idiot." 

"Oh, great now you get to see me wallow in self pity and loathing too because of that asshole."

"Karkat, Gamzee was an asshole from the beginning. I don't even see how you two even became friends to in the start of it all." 

"It was a long time ago and I'm not really in the fucking mood to intricately detail them for you."

Heh, yeah, no shit. 

"Okay, okay, I think we get it. You're sick, crabby, and ready to snap." John sighed. "At least we came, right? Otherwise you'd still be starving." 

Okay, he was just trying to get them to come over, yeah. If he had just said he was sick they'd come rushing over regardless. He was probably being a little melodramatic but whatever. 

"Yeah, well I can't get out of bed because I was like this, okay?!" He really couldn't, his legs felt like they just didn't want to work. There was a long, silent pause. It was almost unnerving really. He sighed and continued to eat. 

"So...Karkat, who was that girl you were trying to meet up with?" Dave asked. 

"Someone I met while at working. No one you know. He seemed satisfied with that before he dropped it. But another question popped up. 

"Hey, um, Karkat, are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" John asked, giving the other a sympathetic look. 

"No." Karkat mumbled, glaring a bit into the bowl of soup in his lap. That was dropped. He couldn't help but think there was some reason for these questions and helping him so suddenly out of the blue. "What the fuck are you two trying to lead this up to? Spit it out already."

"Well Karkat, you see, we've been trying to get you to date us since that dumb game in the closet." Dave answered simply. 

"Yeah, so, your point is...?" He trailed off a bit, letting them get the chance to pick it up and finish it. 

"It's not obvious?" 

"Of course not, both of you are terrible at subtle hints of romantic interest in another." 

"Right..." Dave sighed.

"Well you know now, I'm pretty sure this is as subtle as its going to get." John pointed out. True. 

"I'll think about it." He didn't need to actually. Karkat had caught their hints like Link with bugs and his net...

Or not...that's not the best metaphor since the bugs always managed to fly away no matter what one tried, but still. 

Karkat was being cautious. After all these failing relationships, he didn't want another one to shoot him back in the face again. But for some reason he felt like this time it wouldn't. Like the trigger decided 'hey, this isn't so bad!'

"I've thought about it and maybe. Okay? Maybe." 

"Which is a definite yes." John said, a grin forming on his face. Damn John and his cute insufferable smiles. 

"I said maybe. Not yes." 

"Which means yes in your language." Dave butted in. 

"Ugghhh, fine! Yes, happy!? I've said it out loud. It's cataloged in some book somewhere in the universe, forever to be there. Now you don't have to worry about harassing me about it." 

They grinned and nodded. Then suddenly he was engulfed in hugs. His face was a bit squished but it wasn't being smothered. 

This felt...nice. he let a small smile creep onto his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. No actual sick rhymes in here. Sorry. But definitely ill Karkats.


	10. MINI-CHAPTER!: Dave's beats are fire…so is the cooking...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John tries to keep Karkat from attacking Dave as he forgets to finish what he started...

"Karkat, calm down, please, you're not going to get any better if you push yourself like this!" John said, trying to keep the other in bed. 

"Calm? CALM?  _CALM???_ John, how can I be  _calm_  if _**DAVE**_  is cooking! He could be burning my kitchen dow-" He went into a harsh fit of coughing, each one shaking his shoulders. They sounded like they were ripping his throat apart. Ow...

"Please, Karkat you're going to hurt yourself just talking if you don't let Dave cook." 

" _He could be massacring the stir fry in there!_ " Karkat rasped. He...had a point there. John sighed and looked to Dave. He seemed busy at the stove now. Hell, it actually smelled good so far. But Karkat couldn't smell that. 

"Karkat, it's perfectly fine! It smells like Dave is actually doing a good job and following the recipe you gave him." He tried to reassure the small redheaded ball of fury but it seemed that he didn't want any of John's, or even Dave's shit. He sighed softly and sat on the foot of the bed. 

"HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE NOT LYING?!" Karkat managed. His voice strained when he yelled. Like he had been yelling forever. Obviously he wasn't but probably could. He did have the lungs for it. John sighed, running his fingers through his hair. 

"Karkat, please. Have I ever lied to you?"

"...No..."

"Alright then, calm down!"

"Yo, what's he bitching about this time?" John looked up to see Dave, headphones on and head bobbing slightly to his music. Shouldn't he be cooking like he said he was? 

"Dave, what happened to making the food?" 

"What?"

"The food idiot!" Karkat growled. 

"What food?" At that moment a burning smell began wafting it's way up his nose. 

"Dave did you leave the stir fry on??" 

"What?" Dave frowned a bit. John rolled his eyes then pulled the headphones down. As expected it was all the way up. "Hey!"

"Dave, the stove!" 

"Oh shit!" The blonde went off, looking panicked. Karkat looked between the empty door and John then grimaced. 

"What the  _FUCK_ is going on?" He growled. 

"N-Nothing! Absolutely nothing! I swear!!" John said as he gave an overly forced smile and held his palms up. 

"John what the hell is happening." Karkat said, tone flat. John shook his head. The burnt smell was still in the air and honestly, he was thankful Karkat couldn't smell...really...really thankful.

"Nothing, I swear!" At that moment Dave returned. 

"Well I fucked up the stir fry." He sighed, showing off the ruined food that was meant to be their lunch. Karkat stared...

"Do you have any fucking idea how HARD IT IS TO GET BURNT FOOD OFF THE PANS?! DID YOU EVEN USE OIL?!"

Both he and Dave had jumped to the sound surprisingly enough. "Dude of course I used cooking oil, I'm not that inexperienced." 

" _WHERE IS THE SAUCE AND WATER?! DAVE ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!? IT'S GOING TO TAKE ME HOURS TO CLEAN OU-_ " he burst into another fit of coughing.

"What can I say, I can't follow the book." 

"Dave..." John sighed and shook his head. This was going to be a long few weeks of this...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off a true story...


	11. ((psssssst, quick thing....))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah sorry...not an actual update.

Pssssttt...look at the relationship tags! *le wonk*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But you have a thing to look forward to~
> 
> EDIT: Don't tell me to remove tags when I'M OBVIOUSLY WORKING ON IT!


	12. ((not an update sorry))

I'm very sloooooowly making the last chapter I'm sorry XT it's getting there though, don't worry! You have pre-DirkJake to look forward to then possibly an entire DirkJake fic that follows this!

I might make a...strange muse with Dirk though...


	13. Play Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A decent end to a decent life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not sorry for the references Jake makes in this.

It's been years now. Many years. Seconds endured, minutes faced, hours passed, days done, weeks finished, months gone, years lived. The three have grown. Learned through their mistakes, the challenges, problems. Dave, John, and Karkat have moved together to their own place. In a nice, semi-country place. They had adopted a kid; an unnamed baby boy. And he was growing fast. After a lot of debate, they had decided that Derriek Elaine Roselyn Strider would be the best suited for him (Dave won a bet and so, they went with his last name). Kind of long, yes, but the three just called him Dirk for short. 

Right now, John was on sitting duty while Karkat and Dave were out. Dave had scored a job in the movie industry and Karkat had finally opened up his own resturant which was quite popular. John sometimes lent a hand with the baked goods. He wasn't good at anything else in the kitchen but that. John himself didn't really have a job but when Dave didn't have any work, he'd go with Karakt and help in the kitchens. Offices just didn't do it for him. So it was either there or staying in their three story home. 

Dirk was about four now. And right now, the toddler was staring out the window as he waited For his friends to come over. Three other kids his age. Jane Crocker, Roxy Lalonde, and Jake English. All good kids that Dirk has made friends with in school. 

"Coming?" the little boy asked, pressing his nose against the window and smudging it. John chuckled a bit and smiled. 

"Yes, of course Dirk. Here," John handed him a cookie, freshly baked and warm, chocolate chips nice and gooey. Mmmmmm.....

"When?" Dirk said, taking the cookie and trying to cram it all into his mouth at once while keeping his eyes glued to the window. John rolled his eyes. 

"Slow down silly." He said. Dirk tried to mumble an apology though the cookie. "Swallow Dirk." The toddler did. Then he started to hop around. John looked through the window and spotted the three cars. 

"Here! Here!" Dirk squealed, going to the door and trying to open it. He was unsuccessful for he hasn't learned to get past locks yet. 

"Hold on buddy." John said, flicking the lock open and letting Dirk try the door a second time. It was open and he began to bounce around excitedly as his friends ran up to greet him. 

"Jane!" He said as the girl came up. 

"Dirk!" She responded, trying to hug him. But Dirk quickly backed off. He apparently liked his personal space for a four year old. That is, when it came to girls. It was the whole 'girls are icky!' shenanigan.

"Dirky! H-How you doin'?" asked Roxy, a three year old soon turning four in a month. She was talking pretty good for a pretty-much-four-at-this-point year old. Then again, Dave had gone all out and had Dirk reading at two. It was a rather impressive feat really, watching Dave take some time out of work to watch Dirk and help him learn. Usually with Manga though because it was the only picture books they had. Dirk has also gathered quite the lewd vocabulary reading those books. John had to make sure they weren't any...ahem, yaoi erotica. They weren't though, mostly sticking around things like Naruto, Fruits Basket, and sometimes even a Legend of Zelda or two. 

That's right, there's Manga for a video game. The world has been finally completed. ANYWHO! 

"Good!" He responded. And then came Jake. 

Jake and Dirk seemed to have something. John couldn't quite put his finger on it but when Dirk was around the other boy he seemed...more alive. Of course, he's always perfectly happy around the girls and his dads, but Jake just seemed to make Dirk really, really happy. John was pretty proud of him for having such a best friend at a young age. 

"Jake!" And then came Dirk, glowing the smaller kid. Jake was roughly about five, soon to turn six. Actually, Dirk, Roxy, and Jake were all turning a year older pretty soon. Why their birthdays were so close together was not a coincidence. At least John didn't think it was. 

"Hi!" Jake giggled, hugging the other back. Jake had a good few inches on Dirk and it was kind of adorable when the blond tried to stand on his tiptoes and level out with Jake. 

John offered the three a cookie each, then looked up to see the kids' parents and guardians come up. "Hi everyone!" John greeted, smiling at them and holding the plate out to then as an offering. "Thanks for this. Dirk could hardly wait for them to come over, he was bouncing off the walls." 

"It's no problem John. Anything for my little brother." Jade said, taking a cookie. John rolled his eyes. Little his ass, they were both the same age! So what if she was a minute before him. 

"So, by five, right?" said Rose, checking her watch for the time then also taking a baked good. Jane's dad had important business to attend to attend the moment so he couldn't make it. So Rose had brought her here with Roxy. It was about three now so the kids had plenty of time to play. John nodded. "Great. I'll pick up Jane and bring her home with me for that sleep over with Roxy. I already talked with her father about it so all should be good." 

"And I'm leaving Jake here to stay with you for the night." Jade said. 

Looks like the plan is set. They all wanted the best for their kids so this would hopefully be the party they'll never forget! After saying their goodbyes, John waved them off and closed the doors. He turned to the four kids that were left in his hands. "Ready for a fun day guys?" he asked, placing his hands on his knees and looking down at them. They all nodded happily. 

"What are we gunna do uncle John?" Jake asked curiously, shifting from side to side as he waited excitedly. 

"Well, I was thinking that you would tell me  what's the adventure you have in mind Jake?" John said, smiling a bit. 

"Something with an evil empress trying to conquer the world!" My what an impressive imagination! "Janey! Want to be the evil queen? I'll be on your side as the evil lord!" 

"Yeah! Let's go set up a fort! The two ran off to go and pull the cushions off the couch. John chucked a bit and looked to Dirk and Roxy. 

"How about you two be the heroes and try to beat the bad guys?" 

"Uh-huh! Come on Roxy!" Dirk and his friend when off to find a good spot to start their quest. The usual spot was the top of the stairs on the third level of the house. Which was the attic. John didn't mind them going up there; the attic is where they kept all of Dirk's toys. Basically his personal play room of you will. It also doubles as a sleep over room since it was nice and big. He went to check up on the progress of Jake and Jane. 

As expected, all of the couch cushions were off of the frame. Karkat would throw a fit if he saw the kids messing up his mom's couch. Oh well. "How's it going you two? Need any help?"

"No thanks." They both say together. 

"Alright, holler if you need anything. The other two have gone and started their journey so you better get those walls up quick." With that, they work faster to balance the soft walls of their fortress.

John went to see if Dirk and Roxy have made it to the kitchen yet, usually the place where the lava was flowing. They had thrown down their make-believe islands down and hoped from one book titled  _Idiot's Guide to Simple Cooking_ to  _The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air._ Man, Karkat wasn't going to be happy if he found out about any of this. But he won't. Because John is gunna clean up after they're done with it all, like he does every time. It was tiring, yes, but it kept him busy which was most important. Very important. Anyways. 

"How's the trip coming along?" 

"AHHHH SCARY LAVA MONSTER, QUICK ROXY TAKE COVER!" Dirk yelled, trying to jump from spot to spot. John grinned and took the opportunity to be said monster. 

"IIIII'M GUNNA EAT YA!" and John went over to the two, grabbing them by the middle and lifting them up. He tickled their sides until they all became a giggling mess. 

"LAY ON HIS BELLY, IT'S HIS ONLY WEAKNESS!" Roxy giggled, squirming around. The kids flopped on John's stomach. 

"Oh noooo! My only weakness! How did you know?" John feigned his death, making it totally dramatic. The two laughed and eventually climbed off him when he finally stopped moving. 

"Onwards!" Dirk yelled, pointing a finger up to the air and hopping from book to book once again and heading to the living room. John smiled and followed the toddlers off into the room. He watched Dirk take a heroic pose, scrunching up his little face to seem more intimadating. Roxy examined his stance before attempting to do the same. 

"Evil Empress and Lord! We have come to stop you! The world belongs to everyone! You can't just rule it all for yourself!" 

"That's mean!" Roxy added, puffin up her chest to seem more heroic. 

"You can't stop us! We're evil!" Jane attempted her most fearsome cackle. It would have scared anyone if it weren't her normal laugh. Suddenly the fort burst, the cushions hitting the 'heroes' as the villains emerge. That caused a pillowfight between them all. 

But eventually Jake and Jane pinned them between a corner and beat the fluff out of them. "Okay my little Lords, Empresses, princes, and Rogues. Ease up." John said, making the two stop. 

The majority of the visit was like this, a lot of pretend and whatnot. There was a round of 'friendly' fisticuffs between Dirk and Jake...it ended awkwardly for them....

But the girls' time came and they had to go home. 

"Bye Jane!" Dirk called, waving them away. 

"Bye Roxy!" Jake yelled as he used both hands to wave at them. The girls waved back as they followed Rose away. 

Once the door was closed and they were in the living room, John turned to them. "So boys, what do you want to do?" There was a moment of silence. 

"Cuddle Jake!" Dirk said, his arms up in the air like he was in the middle of doing a wave. 

"...Why?" Jake asked, a confused look on his face. Dirk paused, arms still up, before he seemed to pale in color and have his palms slap onto his mouth. His eyes were wide behind the pointed shades Dave gave him. John smiled a bit and picked them both up, squishing them together. 

"Why are you two so cute???" John questioned, still holding the two squealing boys. After that, John put them down to go make some dinner. Usually it's easy to predict when Karkat will come home from work, but with Dave, it was another story entirely different story. So he usually made Dirk food when they were home. John wasn't a super-ultra-mega-awesome cook like Karkat, but he got the job done. When he went to check on Dirk and Jake, he was surprised to find that they had moved to the couch cushions on the floor. And that they were sleeping together. 

Awwww! 

"Cute fuckers they are." 

John turned and spotted Dave and Karkat "Dave, Karkat! You're home early." John smilied and hugged the two happily. 

"How'd today go?" Karkat asked. 

"Without a hitch...I have to clean up a bit, they made a mess..." 

"Of course. I'm gunna go finish the food for you." off Karkat went...wasn't there something John had to pick up....? "JOHN!!!!" 

Oh...right. 

Better get those books off the floor first then.

 

~END~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry babs it's not the end yet! I think…Maybe I'll make this a series!
> 
> Anyways, yeah. Just a lot of fluffy DirkJake


End file.
